The Rules of Plaid Disappearance

Rule 1: Wear the Plaid.

When in a situation where your disappearance is imminent, always wear a bold, eye-searing plaid pattern. This will ensure that your fellow humans do not take your disappearance lightly and will be forced to question their own perception of reality.

Rule 2: Leave No Trail of Logic.

In order to avoid being caught, it's essential to leave no trail of logic behind. This means no cryptic messages, no hidden clues, and no 'I'm watching the cat' messages.

Rule 3: Utilize the Art of Misdirection.

Use misdirection to distract your pursuers and make them question their own sanity. A well-placed 'I'm on a diet' sign on your fridge can go a long way.

Rule 4: Develop a Plausible Excuse.

In case of an accidental discovery, have a solid excuse ready. 'I'm going to the store' or 'I'm going to the bathroom' are good starting points.

Rule 5: Leave Behind a Red Herring.

Make it look like you're going one way when you're actually going another. A fake 'To-Do' list with a suspiciously large amount of 'Meeting with the Illuminati' entries can be very effective.